Healing ADD by Daniel G. Amen M.D

Author:Daniel G. Amen, M.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2013-12-02T16:00:00+00:00

“NO, NO WAY, NEVER, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO IT”

Opposition probably also increases adrenaline in the ADD brain. Many people with ADD, especially Type 3, tend to be argumentative and oppositional with people in their lives. These negative behaviors often cause tension and turmoil in families, relationships, or at work. Many parents tell me that they are very tired of arguing with their children. This game has one simple rule: The first response or reaction to any request is no, no way, never. I frequently ask my patients this question: “How many times out of ten, when your mother (father, teacher, boss) asks you to do something, will you do it the first time without arguing or fighting?” Many of my patients tend to look down at the floor when I ask this question. They quietly say, “Not many times, maybe two or three times out of ten.” I then ask them why. What is the need to oppose? They tell me they have no idea why they do it. It is not their goal to be oppositional.

Some time ago, I had a very interesting session. I saw a ten-year-old boy for the first time. He came into my office with his mother. He immediately sat down on my blue leather coach and put his shoes on the coach (which didn’t bother me, I figure if you see difficult kids you have to have an office that will stand up to them). But the shoes on the coach did bother his mother. She told him to put them down. When he refused, she put them down on the floor. He immediately put them back up on the sofa. She looked at me in frustration and then moved her son’s feet back on the floor. He put them up. She put them down. He put them up again. She put them down again and slapped his leg. This went on and on. I watched to see the interaction between them. He wanted his way. She was determined not to give in, but she engaged in the same repetitive ineffective behavior. She would have been better served by cutting the oppositional behavior right away and giving an immediate, unemotional but firm consequence. After about ten minutes of this behavior I asked the boy if it was his plan to upset his mother. He said no. Then I asked him why he had to do the opposite of what she wanted. He said, like so many of these kids do, “I don’t know.”

The unconscious game of “No, No Way, Never, You Can’t Make Me Do It” can ruin someone’s life. The level of opposition often drives others away, causing them to make negative judgments about you and emotionally push you away. While writing this book, I went to Israel to speak at an international ADD conference. While at the conference I had the pleasure to spend time with a family who had come to see me in California. The eleven-year-old boy had been depressed when he came to my clinic.

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